Dear Donna, From Budget Blues
Dear Donna
My finance and I recently got engaged and are wanting to start planning our wedding, but our parents have yet to tell us if they are contributing financially to help us with the cost of the wedding. How do you suggest we approach them? And What do we do about the fact that they have started to tell us about all their friends and family that need to be invited?
Sincerely,
Budget Blues
Dear Budget,
Ah yes, the age old question and problem of the wedding bill. My how things have changed over the years. Yes, some parents of the bride still pick up the entire tab, but many more couples are sharing the expenses. The modern world has brides and grooms who often want to do their own planning and are frequently of an age and in a time where independence rules.
That leaves the sticky question of how to address with parents their participation so planning can be done harmoniously with clear financial understandings. There are several ways to handle this if parents are not forthcoming. I would suggest both the bride and the groom sit down with their respective parents and open a dialog on the wedding planning. An outcome of the discussion should be what the parents would like to contribute. Many parents would like to say I will pay for our invited guests, or I will pay for flowers, band, etc. If that is the case, offer a suggestion of estimating those costs and come up with a number. This way there are no surprises on either part if the flowers are exotics or the band turns out to be U-2. Having a number allows the bride and groom to know how much they can afford for each of the wedding components. If the parents have a list of people they want to invite and wish to contribute by paying for them instead of a wedding component, come up with a per person cost so the total dollar figure and number of guests is agreed upon.
Lastly, some parents don’t have the means to contribute, particularly, if they are looking forward to retirement, have children in college, or have other considerations. Make your wedding day special by appreciating all that parents are willing to contribute and creating harmony and good will as the basis for bringing together both families.
Remember, the wedding day is important, but the man waiting for you at the end of the aisle is PRICELESS!!
Best Wishes,
Donna
Photo Credit: J-Anderson Photography via Style Me Pretty
